Day 19: Bitterness in the Wilderness

Growing up, I was a dancer. From the ages of 3-16, my Tuesday nights consisted of dance lessons in the basement of a Catholic church on the west side of Cincinnati. As I grew older, life became busier, and I ultimately had to decide to stop dancing to make room for the responsibilities that life had ahead of me. I was devastated that I couldn't have both, and a seed of bitterness began to take root in my heart. Since then, I've developed a deep, personal relationship with the Lord, and there have been many sweet moments in which he has met me, dancing with me. Those are the times when I feel His presence the closest. Because of that, I decided that I wanted to start dancing again. Except the first time I tried, I badly hurt my knee, requiring physical therapy. Though this setback was temporary, I felt the seed of bitterness grow again.

Bitterness arises when we hold onto the hurt of unmet expectations. I see an abundance of unmet expectations in the story of Naomi, Ruth's mother-in-law. Between the famine that causes her to leave her home, the death of her husband, sons, and supposedly her family line, Naomi is left with a life she never expected. When she returns to Judah with Ruth, she says, "Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty.” (Ruth 1:20-21). Naomi feels completely hopeless, to the point that her heart has come to believe all these unmet expectations are a sort of judgment from God. I can see how the enemy had a hold on her heart, convincing her that the Lord was against her.

I can understand in a small way where she is coming from. I have found myself questioning the Lord, asking, "Have I done something wrong? Why would you take away something that brings me so much joy and allows me to connect with you?”

Despite the desperate situation Naomi was left in, the Lord blessed her with a grandson, Obed, who became the grandfather of King David, which ultimately led to Jesus! I am in awe of how the Lord still moved within and despite Naomi's bitterness towards him. He takes the expectations for her life that she had and creates something even more beautiful than she could have ever imagined: the family line for a Savior. Do you see yourself in Naomi's story as I do? Is there a situation, small or large, that you've deemed hopeless that God might be trying to move in? What bitterness does he want to uproot? How might he exceed all your expectations? While I'm still unable to dance right now, I'm seeing the Lord change my heart from one of bitterness to one of hope. I know that he is a healer, a provider, and a Father who loves me deeply. He will take my unmet expectations and create something even more beautiful than I could ever imagine. And we will dance together again.


PRAY:
Father, thank you for your faithfulness in every situation. In your kindness and mercy, would you begin to uproot any bitterness in my heart today and replace it with your hope. Would you increase my faith so that I expectantly turn to you in moments where my expectations are unmet. Would you meet me there and help me find hope in the good story that you have created for me. Amen.