Day 18: Grace in the Wilderness

Admittedly, I never understood Paul in my younger years, but after a season of ignoring God and my faith, Paul’s conversion was inspiring. In this passage, Paul effectively summarizes the before and after of his encounter with Jesus in a way that reminds me what happens when we take a minute to zoom out and look at the whole picture. In a moment where most people would have despaired over the hardship they endured, Paul’s reaction is to run immediately to God.

The end of 2023 was my hardest wilderness yet. Freshly recommitted to my faith, loss connected to my struggles with sexual sin turned my life upside down in a manner of minutes. Much like Paul when he was struck with blindness, I was brought to my (emotional) knees. I was confronted head on with a decision in my suffering — turn from the Gospel, or cling to the gift of grace and mercy that was offered.

The following year I spent so much time in solitude, lamenting to the Lord and digging into the Word. It was there in the depths of my emotion, in the processing of grief and hardship, that God revealed himself to me. I surrounded myself with a faithful community, who helped shift my theology and cultivate an intimate relationship with the Lord. It wasn’t easy, but it was so worth it. In the quiet moments, I slowly discovered a passion and calling that could not have been recognized without this experience. God used what I learned through this season of suffering and has given me the opportunity to further the Kingdom.

In his writings, Paul doesn’t curse God for putting him through trials, or carry shame of his life before Jesus. He celebrates the gift of grace that was so freely given to him. Paul chose to chase after God first in his suffering, submitting to God’s will and creating space for God to move. I won’t pretend to know what Paul was doing in Arabia, or Damascus, or what getting “acquainted with Cephas” entailed, but I do know that community who pours the Father’s love into you is vital in times of hardship, and without those believers Paul probably wouldn’t have been the great teacher he’s known to be.

Do not bury your wilderness. Paul did not try to hide his past of further persecution, but used it as an opportunity to celebrate how great our God is. Even in the midst of suffering, where do you see God? Is there a new opportunity, understanding, or relationship that has come from it? The more I’ve been able to zoom out and identify God working in the wilderness, the more capacity I’ve found for the difficult things in life. The Lord didn’t forsake me, and He hasn’t forsaken you. Like Paul, we all have the opportunity to look back and identify where He has been working.


PRAY:
Lord, thank you that the wilderness is not the end. I pray that through suffering, purpose will be revealed to me. Hold me close to you, fill my life with others who will point me back to you. I pray that your blessings in my life will pour out onto the others around me, and my life will be a testament to your goodness. Amen.